Antonia Bacigalupa Albaum, Indiana University, Bloomington
While fortunate to have a circle of friends and colleagues, I have struggled to find a mentor who has stayed with me over time as I’ve changed jobs and moved across states. I had become accustomed to thinking about mentorship as a long-term relationship between mentor and mentee with regular meetings. I often felt like a failure for never successfully cultivating this kind of relationship.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary (Oxford University Press, 2023), “Mentor” has been used since the mid-18th century. Mentorship has become the buzzword of the 21st Century as the business world promotes strategies to find ever-elusive mentors who will help you get in (“4 things all mentors”, n.d.; D’Angelo, 2023; Gross, 2023; Herrity, 2023). Within higher education, mentorship is heralded as the key to student success, be it peer mentors or faculty and staff mentors (Blumenstyck, 2021; Collier, 2022; Fischer, 2023).
Academic research on mentorship is equally effusive in the importance of mentorship, though the definition is more contested. Hunt and Michael (1983) indicate that past definitions of mentorship generally referred to a dyadic relationship with one member of the dyad serving in an advisory capacity for the other, but as the context changed, it was also likely that the relationship dynamics would also change. Other literature recognizes a less hierarchical relationship between mentor-mentee where the mentor benefits from the mentee (Gehrke, 1988; Pulce, 2005). A more recent study by Awaya et al. (2003) emphasizes mentorship as an ongoing relationship between equals that serves both constructively.
Seeing the apparent influence that mentorship would have on my prospects as an undergraduate student and young advising professional, I sought out mentorship. And I utterly failed. Organized mentorship programs on campus provided a short-term mentor for the duration of the program, but the relationship wilted once the program ended. As a young professional, I connected with colleagues at work, but once they moved on to new jobs, the relationship fizzled, unable to handle the distance. I tried to stay in touch but battled my inner fears of being a nuisance and the external realities that my colleagues were overworked and valued the separation of their work and life at home. The endless articles I read on the internet attributed these failures to me—if I prioritized the relationship more, if I reached out more, if I just tried a little more, the mentorship would happen.
This was a particularly challenging experience when I worked with students who had the same struggles. Students nearing the end of their undergraduate experience may also be experiencing a lack or pending loss of mentorship as they approach graduation and transition into their post-graduation jobs and careers. I myself have encouraged students to seek out mentors in their professors and their field to get connected to job opportunities, feeling an increasing sense of imposter syndrome as I encouraged them to pursue something I struggled with.
I decided to ask my colleagues how they approached mentorship in their careers. I conducted various informational interviews with mid- and early-career professionals across the organization. After sharing my struggles with mentorship, I asked how mentorship had played into their careers. Overwhelmingly, my question was answered with solidarity around my experience. For many, formal mentorship had not played a significant role in their careers or had played a fleeting role. Once the mentor or mentee had moved on, the relationship shifted to an acquaintanceship or, no longer applicable to their career goals, faded entirely.
I immediately recognized these conversations' cathartic effect on myself and my colleagues. Our shared experience led to the realization that lack of mentorship was not solely our responsibility, and we shed expectations we didn’t realize we were carrying. The conversations turned towards the sources of community that had brought them strength and guidance in their journeys. I heard about friends in different occupations, partners, and families in other states, coworkers on the same journey, and supervisors who were pivotal at the moment and became cheerleaders from afar.
My colleagues built communities that provided the benefits of mentorship without the conventional one-on-one relationship sold on Buzzfeed and LinkedIn. As we reframed mentorship, they explained that no person can wear all the hats required by a traditional mentor. Instead, we discussed transitioning from the idea of mentors and mentees to “thought partners” (Anderson & Stanny, 2012).
Thought partners don’t carry the hierarchical structure of mentor/mentee. Thought partners implies a mutual partnership, easing the feeling of the mentee being a burden. Thought partners can be anyone; your thought partner doesn’t need to work in the same field as you. They need to be willing to listen. Thought partners do not need to be a formalized relationship of give and take or carry the legacy of the term “mentor.” Perhaps most importantly, you already have your thought partners. You have them in the friends and family you go to for life advice, you have them in the coworkers you send memes to, and you have them in those brainstorming meetings with your supervisor. If we step back from the formal expectations and societal constructs of mentorship, we might realize that we have many mentors in our lives.
This is the re-framing I encourage you to bring to your students who feel pressured to find a mentor. By deconstructing students’ understanding of mentorship, you can help them recognize who their thought partners are and give them the confidence to build a support network that provides the benefits of mentorship without the pressure of conforming to perceived societal expectations.
Sharing my struggles with colleagues is not always easy. As I reflected on my preconceived ideas and failure in mentorship, I realized that my community is made up of my friends and cheerleaders, who have been my thought partners all along.
Maybe I didn’t fail after all. And if you, too, identified with my story, maybe you didn’t either.
References
4 things all mentors and mentees should know. (n.d.). Lean In. https://leanin.org/tips/mentorship#!
Anderson, R., & Stanny, B. (2012, June 19). A fascinating new concept: How “thought partners” add value to your business. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/barbarastanny/2012/06/19/a-fascinating-new-concept-how-thought-partners-add-value-to-your-business/?sh=2b45394c1353
Awaya, A., McEwan, H., Heyler, D., Linsky, S., Lum, D., & Wakukawa, P. (2003). Mentoring as a journey. Teaching and Teacher Education, 19(1), 45–56. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0742-051X(02)00093-8
Blumenstyck, G. (2021, July 1). 3 interactions with a mentor can help a student graduate. here’s how. Chronicle of Higher Education. https://www.chronicle.com/podcast/innovation-that-matters/3-interactions-with-a-mentor-can-help-a-student-graduate-heres-how
Collier, P. (2022). How peer mentoring can help universities promote student success in a post-covid19 pandemic world. Metropolitan Universities, 32(3), 37–54. https://doi.org/10.18060/25222
D’Angelo, M. (2023, October 24). What is a mentor, and how do you find one? Business News Daily. https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/6248-how-to-find-mentor.html
Fischer, K. (2023, March 16). Where cultural understanding is key to student success. Chronicle of Higher Education. https://www.chronicle.com/article/where-cultural-understanding-is-key-to-student-success
Gehrke, N. (1988). Toward a definition of mentoring. Theory Into Practice, 27(3), 190–194. https://doi.org/10.1080/00405848809543350
Gross, C. (2023, June 6). A better approach to mentorship. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2023/06/a-better-approach-to-mentorship
Herrity, J. (2023, February 3). How to find a mentor in 8 steps (plus mentorship tips). Indeed. https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-find-a-mentor
Hunt, D. M., & Michael, C. (1984). Mentorship: A career training and development tool. Journal of Library Administration, 5(1), 77–95. https://doi.org/10.1300/J111V05N01_12
Oxford University Press. (2023). Oxford English dictionary. Retrieved May 10, 2024, from https://www.oed.com/
Pulce, R. (2005). What is a mentor? Nurse Leader, 3(4), 9–10. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.mnl.2005.06.002
